An Overview of The Windhorse Project by Michael Herrick, Anne Marie DiGiacomo, & Scott Welsch
Authors
Michael Herrick, Anne Marie DiGiacomo, Scott Welsch
Publication information:
Previously published in Without Psychiatry
Historical Perspective
The Windhorse Project was founded in 1981 by Dr. Edward Podvoll and a small group of deeply inspired and dedicated graduates of the Masters Program in Contemplative Psychology at Naropa University in Boulder, Colorado. Dr. Podvoll had worked previously as a psychiatrist in institutions such as Chestnut Lodge and Austen Riggs. He had also taken up Buddhist meditation practice and become a student of the Tibetan meditation master Chogyam Trungpa. As the Director of the Contemplative Psychology Program at Naropa, Dr. Podvoll provided guidance and supervision to this early group of contemplative therapists. Together they sought to bring a sane and compassionate approach to the care and healing of people living with extreme states of mind. During this early formative period, Dr. Podvoll had ongoing discussions with Chogyam Trungpa regarding how to bring the practice of meditation into therapeutic work. He came to believe that the integration of western and eastern psychologies could offer greater skillful means in assisting people whose lives were severely distressed due to extraordinary life circumstances.
This early supervision group of contemplative therapists began Maitri Psychological Services (MPS), which was the first Windhorse therapeutic community (Maitri is Sanskrit for loving kindness/unlimited friendliness). The fundamental mission of MPS was to provide compassionate care to adults living with the distress of extreme states of mind within their own home and community. Their work flourished from 1981 to 1987 and it was during this six-year period that the Windhorse approach developed and matured.
In 1987 Dr. Podvoll left MPS to focus on writing a book that would be titled The Seduction of Madness (it was reprinted in 2003 under the title Recovering Sanity). Here he presents his understanding of the evolution of psychosis as well as the journey of recovery and healing. While Windhorse would temporarily end in Boulder, two original founders, Jeffrey and Molly Fortuna, moved to Halifax, Nova Scotia, and created Windhorse teams there. During their time in Halifax, the Fortuna’s met Connie Packard who was quite interested in partnering with them and others to help Windhorse take root in New England. In 1993, with startup money from Connie Packard, the Fortuna’s, along with Alexander Drier and Eric and Janneli Chapin, planted and nurtured the seeds of the Windhorse work in the Pioneer Valley of western Massachusetts. It was within this same period that the Windhorse work was reestablished in Boulder through the dedication and effort of Chuck Knapp and Jamie and Kathy Emery. They created Windhorse Community Services in the early 90s, which has a thriving presence in the Boulder/Denver area today.
In addition to Windhorse organizations operating in the United States, Dr. Han Kaufmann established a Windhorse organization in Vienna, Austria, in 1995. Dr. Kaufmann had met Dr. Podvoll in 1986 and was drawn both to his understanding of psychosis and to the Windhorse approach to care.
In the remainder of this chapter we will present:
A brief description of Dr. Podvoll’s working model of psychosis.
The fundamental principles of the Windhorse approach.
The therapeutic and contemplative practices of Windhorse.
The experience of one Windhorse client.
Working Model of Psychosis
In Recovering Sanity, Dr. Podvoll offers a model for understanding the genesis and development of psychosis. He describes certain causes and conditions that give rise to an evolving process that ultimately leads to madness. He calls this “The Cocktail.”
The “Cocktail” consists of a Predicament, an Intention, Exertion, a Substance, and Mindlessness. Usually, all of these ingredients can be found to one degree or another in the production of a psychosis. (Podvoll, 2003, p. 173)
Due to limited space here we can only briefly describe each element of this “Cocktail.”
Predicament refers to the intense pressure of environmental circumstances, intractable dilemmas, that threaten one’s sense of safety and self. In the effort to escape the overwhelming weight of a profound predicament one may “switch out” and enter realms of magic and power, undergoing radical self-transformation in a desperate attempt to resolve what seems irresolvable.
Intention refers to the powerful ambition to transcend the ordinary demands, responsibilities, and limitations of one’s life as it is and attain a state of power and freedom beyond the pains of the earthly realm.
Exertion refers to the great effort it takes to transform the self and so transcend one’s predicament. This requires engaging in practices that desynchronize or dissociate the mind and body, as well as the mind-body from the environment.
Substance refers to the consumption of actual substances that alter consciousness and propel the effort toward self-transformation. This can include alcohol, marijuana, hallucinogens, amphetamines, etc. These further desynchronize mind and body and intensify the experience of a transcendent realm of power and freedom beyond the constraints of ordinary waking reality.
Mindlessness refers to the state that follows from fueling desynchronizing practices with substances and “switching out.” As one gives increasing attention to and identifies more with the “other world,” one loses touch with one’s immediate environment, with other people, and even with the needs of the body. The mind becomes overwhelmingly preoccupied in an imaginary realm.
Considering these five elements provides a way to recognize the early stages of a developing psychosis and ideally offer support and alternative means for addressing an underlying predicament, and thus avoid catastrophe.
From a medical model point of view, a person suffering with psychosis is the victim of a pathological physical condition, i.e. a “brain disease.” Other views may locate pathology elsewhere, i.e., in the family system or in the physical or cultural environment. Although Dr. Podvoll’s model does not deny these possible contributors, it points to the active role that an individual plays in the development of their psychosis and challenges the notion that anyone is simply a victim. Rather than “blaming the victim,” however, this view opens up the possibility for individuals to become more fully active agents in their own recovery. Although we recognize all of the toxic and traumatic circumstances that may contribute to the development of extreme states, we also recognize the power of individuals to take responsibility for their own experience, behavior, and recovery.
With recognition of all of these factors, Windhorse endeavors to provide a gentle and healing environment where impossible predicaments can be relaxed, practices of mind-body-environment synchronization can be engaged, addiction to substances can be addressed, and ordinary life and full presence in the company of others can once again seem attractive.
Next we turn to the Windhorse principles and practices that are suggested by Dr. Podvoll’s model, and that offer a path toward recovery. “This model can be worked with in a practical way that has ‘clinical implications’ and that can be used in designs for treatment” (Recovering Sanity, 2003, p. 172).
Windhorse Principles
◈ Windhorse
The foundation of the Windhorse approach is our faith that all beings possess intrinsic health and intelligence and that this can be accessed and brought to bear in overcoming any difficulty or challenge.
The result of letting go is that you discover a bank of self-existing energy that is always available to you—beyond any circumstances. It is the energy of basic goodness. This self-existing energy is called Windhorse. The wind principle is that the energy of basic goodness is strong, exuberant, and brilliant. It can actually radiate tremendous power in your life. But at the same time, basic goodness can be ridden, which is the principle of the horse. So discovering Windhorse is, first of all, acknowledging the strength of basic goodness in yourself and then fearlessly projecting that state of mind to others. (Chogyam Trungpa, Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior)
Or in the words of Dr. Podvoll:
Windhorse refers to a mythic horse, famous throughout central Asia, who rides in the sky and is the symbol of a person’s energy and discipline to uplift himself. Windhorse is literally an energy in the body and mind, which can be aroused in the service of healing an illness or overcoming depression. (Podvoll, Recovering Sanity, p. 224)
Even amidst great illness and distress, Windhorse energy is available. Even when there are insurmountable physical or cognitive limitations, we can adapt, find meaning and purpose, and experience the joy of living. Because of Windhorse energy, no person and no situation is unworkable.
◈ Recovery is Possible
Following from our faith in Windhorse, from assuming that everyone possesses intrinsic health and intelligence, is our belief that recovery is possible. In fact, given the right environment, individual desire and discipline, and enough time, we have seen that it is probable. While we believe that “recovery” must be defined by the person striving to attain it, we do hold a general vision of recovery. It entails the creation of a meaningful and satisfying life in which our needs are met and our potential is developed in four fundamental dimensions. Together these four dimensions make up the “whole person,” as described next.
◈ Whole Person
A whole-person approach to understanding and responding to people in extreme states will recognize and include the following four fundamental dimensions of any person: physical, interpersonal, psychological, and environmental. At Windhorse we call these body, speech, mind, and environment. In contrast to reductionistic approaches that focus primarily on one dimension or another, a whole-person perspective is curious about all four. It also sees them as vehicles for the radiant expression of Spirit. We consider psychosis and other extreme states to be the result of imbalances within and between these four dimensions and that the path of recovery requires the means for addressing those imbalances.
Certainly we are critical of the prevailing bio-medical reductionism that sees psychosis as simply a “brain disease,” but we are also critical of theories that reduce the causes of distress to psychological, interpersonal, or environmental factors. While those who hold exclusively to one or the other of these explanations may argue over the “true cause” of “mental illness” and therefore the most effective responses, Windhorse believes that each perspective offers a piece of understanding, as well as some skillful means for responding. Alone, however, each is incomplete. We find that a whole-person approach must weave all four together in a way that is finely tuned to the needs and capacities of each individual.
◈ Contemplative Awareness
While a whole-person perspective may allow us to understand those we serve in the broadest possible way, we find that even this scope is limited. What it leaves out is a perspective on oneself as a care provider. Windhorse was founded by contemplative practitioners who first examined their own minds and lives, holding to the understanding that self awareness provides the basis for offering anything useful to others. This remains at the heart of the Windhorse approach. Through contemplative practice, meditation in particular, we see that the seeds of psychosis are in every mind, that madness is only a matter of degree. In order to serve another we must continually examine ourselves and cultivate our capacity for empathy and compassion.
◈ Asylum Awareness
For most people, psychosis is an extremely threatening experience. It can feel as though one’s life and very soul are on the line. So fear can be a common reaction both for the person experiencing psychosis and for those who encounter them. Much of the history of psychiatric care seems to be the fearful attempt to control people, to bring them under submission, i.e., through medications, electroshock, physical restraints, etc. Presumably these methods have come from benevolent intentions. However, Podvoll has described this process of exerting power to control people as “asylum mentality.” At Windhorse the practice of asylum awareness brings our attention to any blatant or subtle ways that we might be tempted to exert power over people in order to simply control them due to our own fear. Instead, our first line of response is to cultivate empathic connection and provide a safe and healing environment to allay the fear and chaos of extreme states.
◈ Islands of Clarity
The term “islands of clarity” (coined by Podvoll) points to the instances of health and sanity that occur even in the midst of the most extreme distress. While acknowledging confusion and difficulties, we practice looking for any expressions of courage, clarity, compassion, and insight. If we are not looking for them we can easily miss moments when someone wakes from the dream of psychosis and comes to their senses. These occasions can be fragile and fleeting. They need to be recognized, protected, and nurtured because they provide the sparks for recovery. The practice of basic attendance (described below) is designed to recognize and respond to islands of clarity and support and help stabilize them along the path of recovery.
◈ Mutual Learning
A core aspect of our work at Windhorse is our acknowledgement that regardless of distinctions between the roles of “staff” or “client,” in the words of Harry Stack Sullivan: “we are all much more human than otherwise.” We are all on a path of growth and learning. We are not just providing treatment to those unfortunate others, but are simultaneously working on ourselves in the process. Or in the words of Lilla Watson, an Australian aborigine:
“If you have come here to help me, you are wasting your time. If you come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.”
We find that the attitude of mutual learning is an antidote to the arrogance that can give rise to asylum mentality.
◈ Healing Happens through Authentic Relationship
Rather than seeing clinical staff as “change agents” that facilitate emotional and behavioral change in clients, we hold that necessary changes are the natural product of authentic relationships. In the words of Loren Mosher, we emphasize “being with” rather than “doing to.” Certainly there are prudent boundaries inherent to any professional relationship. We maintain mindfulness of this while also embracing what Podvoll has called the “therapist-friend dilemma.” Essentially this requires showing up as fully human as possible and mutually negotiating the demands of relatedness. Since the lack of opportunity for healthy relations often contributes to the causes of extreme states, we believe that this is one of the most important things that we can offer.
◈ Households
Since a whole-person approach recognizes the importance of environment, we believe that one’s home should be pleasing and personalized to one’s own taste. Each person lives in their own apartment (shared with a paid housemate) and anything that would make it feel like an “institution” is avoided. Attention is given to creating homes that are safe, functional, and beautiful according to the needs and preferences of those who actually live in them.
◈ Community
Windhorse is a therapeutic community. We believe that recovery occurs not only through individual relationships, but through meaningful membership in a larger community. The Windhorse community includes clients, their families, staff members, and staff member’s families. Through regular social events we provide opportunities for all to gather for learning, recreation, and celebration. Connection with the broader community beyond Windhorse is also important. This is why people live in their own apartments in town and basic attendance is done mostly out and about, rather than in an office setting.
Windhorse Therapeutic Practices
◈ Basic Attendance
The Windhorse principles are embodied and manifest through the core practice of basic attendance. There are ten skills of basic attendance which point to the skillful means necessary to properly attend to what arises in any given situation. These skills include: being present, letting in, bringing home, letting be, bringing along, recognizing, finding energy, leaning in, discovering friendship, and mutual learning.
As Jeff Fortuna has so clearly written:
“Basic attendance is ‘basic’ because it works with the most fundamental situation: to synchronize body, mind, and environment by gathering attention and sharpening perceptions with the ordinary activities of life. It is ‘attendance’ because the therapist’s intention and training is to be of compassionate service by tending to the needs of someone during the recovery process. We regard psychosis as a major disruption in the balance of the body-mind-environment system that dislocates the person from the functional reference points of ordinary life. The mindful work of basic attendance brings the therapist’s and the client’s mind ‘back home’ to the body and the immediate environment. This brings natural wakefulness to the nightmare of psychosis. The caring and gentleness of basic attendance promotes therapeutic friendship to emerge among client and team members.”
◈ Windhorse Teams
Each Windhorse team member, including the clients themselves over time, practices basic attendance. Fundamentally, the therapeutic work is a collaborative one whereby the client is a full and participating member of the team. Their position within the team is to inform the team of their needs and desires, engage whatever practices make sense to them, and voice concerns whenever team members are more of a nuisance than a support.
The team includes the following positions, depending on the degree of support someone may need coming to Windhorse. The Housemate is an anchor within the Windhorse household, living with the client as a companion within the context of domestic and community life and attending to environmental needs. The Team Leader, considered the organizing principle on the team, coordinates the schedules and tasks of the team while also doing basic attendance and overseeing the domestic arena. The Intensive Psychotherapist is in partnership with the team leader holding the big picture and attending to the “mind of the team” as well as meeting 2 to 3 times weekly with the client in individual therapy. The Wellness Nurse collaborates with the client regarding their overall health and well-being (attending to diet, exercise, sleep, etc.) and liaisons with the psychiatrist, client and psychotherapist in monitoring medications. The Team Counselor position includes basic attendance either as a team counselor on a team or as a therapeutic mentor in a one-on-one relationship. The Peer Counselor position also involves basic attendance on a team and/or as a therapeutic mentor and advocate. The Peer Counselor’s own lived experience exemplifies the belief that recovery is possible.
Windhorse also works with duel-diagnosis issues and the Addiction Consultant, who is typically a Windhorse therapist, oversees this area. They are involved in exploring with clients the nature of their addictions and assessing the most useful ways to address these concerns. They facilitate an addictions group and provide consultation to the team and client in working with the challenges of living with addiction. The Windhorse view that recovery is possible includes clients, their families, and professionals. With this in mind, there is a Family Coordinator position held by a senior therapist who provides support to the family members through phone contact, meetings, monthly support groups, and written material (i.e. “Windhorse Family Guidelines”).
Windhorse Contemplative Practices
The contemplative practices engaged at Windhorse come from the fundamental ground of mindfulness-awareness meditation. This practice works with synchronizing body, mind, and environment as a way of being present moment to moment in one’s daily life. In mindfulness-awareness meditation, the breath is the object of meditation, therefore the instruction is to bring full awareness to the natural flow of the breath and when thoughts, emotions, feelings, or sensations arise then gently return to simply following the breath. As a result, one begins to see the transitory nature of mind and the benefit of being able to come back to the breath within the present moment. Over time this brings a greater sense of relaxation and peace of mind.
The practice of synchronizing body, mind, and environment within the context of recovery is integral to the therapeutic life of clients, family members, and staff. The practices utilized at Windhorse include a Moment of Mindfulness, Group Contemplative Practice, Body-Speech-Mind Supervision, and The Way of Council.
The moment of mindfulness is a simple and direct practice of bringing mindful attention to the moment with the intention to leave behind prior preoccupations and come into the present situation with clarity and openness. This occurs at the beginning and end of meetings and gatherings.
In addition to the requirement that staff have a personal contemplative practice, Group Contemplative Practice (GCP) supports staff in strengthening the mindfulness-awareness they bring to their therapeutic work. GCP happens four times a week for half an hour and the staff are required to participate in at least one session per week. The basic meditation technique of working with breath to synchronize body, speech, and mind, as described above, guides GCP.
◈ Sending and Taking Practice (Tonglen), or exchanging self for other, is a practice for cultivating compassion. It involves “letting in” the suffering of others as well as oneself with the in-breath and then sending out whatever is needed to ease the suffering with the out-breath. It is a process of riding the breath between breathing in the suffering and breathing out what may quell the suffering. The practice is fundamental to the Windhorse way of being with clients and it is part of GCP.
◈ Body-Speech-Mind Supervision (BSM) practice developed at Naropa University as a part of the MA Contemplative Psychology Program and is an integral part of the therapeutic supervision process at Windhorse. The primary intention of this approach is to decrease the therapist’s tendency to interpret, analyze, or judge a client’s process while heightening the experience of exchanging self for other; the therapist exchanges fully with the client they are in relationship with and the team members exchange fully with the therapist and the client via the BSM presentation. The therapist describes the client’s body (physical attributes and environmental aspects), speech (communication style and relationships), and mind (intellectual processes and states of mind) as a way to illuminate the whole person and bring into focus the challenges and obstacles that may be unfolding for the therapist in their relationship with the client and/or other team members. BSM supervision is essential in developing a deeper understanding among therapeutic staff of asylum awareness and mutual recovery.
◈ The Way of Council was introduced to Windhorse by Connie Packard in 1997 as a way to assist staff, clients, and family members in building strong and trusting relationships with each other in order to better handle conflict and discord as it unfolds in our day-to-day life together. The particular form of Council used at Windhorse comes from the Ojai Foundation in Ojai, California. Several Windhorse staff initially trained in the Way of Council have passed it on over time to newer staff, clients, and community members. Currently, we hold a seasonal All Staff Council and Community Council where the group sits together in a circle for an extended period, usually 2–3 hours, using a talking piece to allow full expression to take form. When someone holds the talking piece they are the only one speaking and all others are listening and holding in mind the principals of Council: 1) speak from the heart 2) listen from the heart 3) be lean of expression 4) be spontaneous. These principles are fundamental intentions for communication and interaction at Windhorse and manifest in various meetings and interchanges within teams and among the community as a whole.
My Windhorse Experience
My name is Scott Welsch. I was born in the state of New York in 1969. My parents and my two sisters and I lived in a wealthy community. When I was 16, my parents separated and eventually divorced. I worked hard in school, and though I was not always happy, I was generally successful academically, athletically, and socially. I fell in love and went to Harvard College and felt like everything was going my way.
In June of 1990, one year before I expected to graduate from college, I became symptomatic. I had racing thoughts, rapid speech, delusions of grandeur, and two days of paranoid mania during which I expected to die. I lived in this wired frame of mind for almost six months. Except for the two days of paranoia, I believed that this excited state was a gift despite the fact that almost everybody around me was disturbed by the “new Scott.”
In late November of 1990, about ten weeks into the fall semester, I plummeted into a depression more severe than I could have imagined. I was confused and extremely exhausted. I realized not only that many of the commitments I had made were impossible to keep, but also that these commitments and exciting projects now seemed pointless. I lost my appetite. I didn’t want to be around people. It seemed like I couldn’t enjoy anything anymore. I wanted to disappear.
A month later, my girlfriend of four years ended our relationship. I found myself unable to write. I failed a class for the first time in my life. I withdrew from another. I barely squeaked by in two others. My mood began to improve slightly, so I enrolled in spring semester classes, but then my mood fell again, and I withdrew from school. I felt embarrassed and lost. I didn’t know what to do. In June of 1990, my life was blissful and my future seemed bright; nine months later, I had lost my girlfriend, my confidence, my ability to feel pleasure, my desire to be alive, and I felt like I was losing my mind. It also seemed like there was nothing that anyone could really do to help me.
I was diagnosed as bipolar. I went into psychotherapy and tried a wide array of medications. My doctor quickly found a medication that deters my mania, but it was five years before I was prescribed a medication that was helpful with my severe depressions. I experienced periods of anhedonia that lasted for weeks. Between 1990 and 1995, five of my friends died, three by suicide. I contemplated suicide on a daily basis for months at a time. Instead of attempting suicide, I went into fancy psychiatric hospitals where I was locked up. I endured three series of electro-convulsive therapy (ECT), with about ten treatments per series. A doctor told me that ECT would temporarily alter my recent memory and that eventually my memory would return to normal. The ECT did not have a lasting positive effect on my mood, but it did erase large portions of my recent memory. For example, I have photographs from a long road trip across the entire North American continent with one of my best friends, but I have little memory of anything from the trip except for what I see in some of the pictures. When I told the doctor that I was concerned about my memory loss, he told me that I probably didn't really want to remember those things anyway. Experiences like this made it difficult for me to trust many psychiatric professionals trained in the traditional western hospital system.
By late 1994, I felt stable enough to try to live outside of hospitals and halfway houses. I began a long series of jobs and tried living in three different states. Finding satisfying work has proven to be one of the biggest challenges of my life. I want to feel good about what I do, and I want to like the people with whom I work. I feel like I’m not asking for much, but so far, many of my work experiences have been extremely frustrating. I’ve often felt lied to, unappreciated, and exploited.
My stepfather happens to be a therapist, and he has paid close attention to the evolution of Windhorse. Given the track record of the American psychiatric hospital system, he is convinced that the Windhorse model is the way of the future. While I was trying to get my life together with the help of therapists and medications, my stepfather occasionally sent me a Windhorse newsletter and reminded me that this option existed. In the past, Windhorse seemed extravagant and excessive to me. It was hard for me to imagine trying to live a normal life while being under the scrutiny of a team of experts. I do not like being the center of attention, and I do not like being the cause of expensive bills. The idea of the attention and the expenses disturbed me.
But I also felt like I was running out of options. By the summer of 2005, I was living in Olympia, Washington, and although I had experienced some joyful times, I felt that I was repeatedly falling into the same rut. I was tired of it. I could see myself giving up. I needed to go into hospitals again. I was thinking more and more about killing myself. That is when I finally decided to give Windhorse a try.
I moved to Northampton, Massachusetts, to start Windhorse in November of 2005. There were seven people on my original team: my team leader, my intensive psychotherapist, my housemate, my nurse, my two peer counselors, and I. I kept a large team for nine months. Here are some of the ways that my team helped me:
1. My Team Leader: I was my team leader's first Windhorse client. I admit I didn't really like the idea of having a new employee as my team leader, but in hindsight, I see many advantages. First of all, my team leader has plenty of experience working with people who are struggling with challenging problems. Secondly, she has experience working with health insurance companies and large bureaucracies like the American Social Security system. Historically, I've felt powerless when I've tried to get what I've needed from these kinds of organizations. My team leader has helped me to cut through the red tape and to get these agencies to do what they are allegedly committed to doing. I think the main way my team leader's newness to Windhorse helped me was that it often made it easy for her to see my point of view as another person who was new to Windhorse. When something about Windhorse seemed a bit strange or not quite fair to me, I often felt like my team leader was the first person to share my perspective. Initially, I had a 3-hour basic attendance session with my team leader twice a week. She also facilitated weekly one-hour house meetings with my housemate and me, and the weekly one-hour team meetings which included all seven members of my team. She had weekly one-on-one meetings with my housemate and weekly one-on-one meetings where she was supervised by the staff person who happens to be my intensive therapist. As of August 1, 2006, I no longer have a full large team, but my team leader is continuing to work with me individually as a therapeutic mentor. We do basic attendance once a week now, and among other things, she is helping me to pursue my employment goals and to work with the organizations that assist me.
2. My Intensive Psychotherapist: In and out of hospitals, I’ve probably worked with about a dozen different psychotherapists. My psychotherapist at Windhorse is definitely one of the best I’ve had. I like therapists to actively challenge me, and to risk expressing ideas even when they aren’t confident that the idea is perfectly on the mark. My therapist has supported me with an excellent balance of patience and challenges. My therapist has helped me get through some difficult situations and helped me to learn some important things about myself. It can be awkward socializing in a community like Windhorse in the presence of my therapist and other people who know intimate details of my life, but I have always had confidence that my therapist respects and preserves my privacy. During my first nine months at Windhorse, I had two private sessions per week with my therapist. I wish I could work with my present therapist indefinitely, but I have chosen to seek a new therapist; I hope to work at Windhorse as a peer counselor someday, and since there is a rule that a person can not simultaneously be both client and staff member at Windhorse, I am looking to work with a therapist outside of the organization. My present Windhorse therapist is continuing to meet with me once a week while I seek a new therapist.
3. My Housemate: I was extremely lucky to be paired with my housemate at Windhorse. Between summer camps, boarding school, college, hospitals, halfway houses, and living in lots of different houses with lots of other single people, I've lived with more than thirty different roommates and housemates. My Windhorse housemate was certainly one of my favorites. Being put into a housing situation by an organization that had only spent a few hours with each of us, I felt I was taking a small leap of faith. I am amazed at how compatible my former housemate and I are, despite the 18-year difference in our ages. I know that not all Windhorse clients are as lucky as I was. I think that one of the most difficult problems that Windhorse clients face is the loneliness we face in moving to a new town where we don't really know anybody. I didn't realize, until I moved to Northampton, that all the times I moved in the first 36 years of my life, I either already knew some people in the new location, or I was going into a situation to become part of a group of other people who were also new. Despite my efforts to get to know people at Windhorse and in the Northampton community in general, I was lonely for a long time. I remember telling my team several months into my Windhorse experience that I felt like the only friends I had in Northampton were the people who were paid to spend time with me. I think my feelings and isolation would have been much more intense if I hadn't had a housemate. Having a housemate can be one of the most expensive parts of Windhorse. If I didn't worry about money, I would have continued to live with my Windhorse housemate. I have several ideas about how problems of loneliness and isolation at Windhorse can be addressed, the most important of which I believe are a group house, more group activities, and more networking between Windhorse and other organizations in the community. I think these ideas also have potential to reduce individual financial costs.
4. My Nurse: I met with my nurse for about half an hour per week, and she also attended the weekly team meetings. We discussed my mood, my medications, and aspects of my physical health as well as other aspects of my daily life. I didn't dramatically improve my eating habits, and I didn't maintain a regular aerobic exercise plan, but with the help of my nurse and a doctor I did learn that I was deficient in folic acid, vitamin D, and several neurotransmitters. I hadn’t been seeing non-psychiatric doctors regularly before I came to Windhorse because I felt I couldn't afford to, and I felt like there wasn’t much they could really do for me. Every time I went to a hospital and got my blood taken during a check-in physical, I assumed they would inform me if they had been able to find any abnormalities in my blood. I have no idea how long my body has been struggling with these deficiencies. I now take many supplements to maintain my nutrient and neurotransmitter levels, and I will continue to consult with a doctor outside of Windhorse. (Another major way Windhorse contributed to improving my physical health was by introducing me to yoga. I participated in weekly yoga classes that were taught by an excellent staff person who didn’t happen to be a member of my team.)
5 & 6. My two Peer Counselors: When I was locked up in hospitals and wishing I were dead, doctors and therapists repeatedly told me that people frequently recover from illnesses like mine and go on to lead relatively normal lives. My usual responses were, “Then where the hell are they?” and “Name one.” It took me five years before I got an answer that satisfied me. (It came in the form of Kay Redfield Jamison’s memoir, An Unquiet Mind.) My two peer counselors are similarly important, inspiring role models for me. They helped me a lot during the weekly twelve hours of basic attendance shifts they did with me (12 hours = 2 peer counselors x 2 shifts per peer counselor x 3 hours per shift), but simply their presence in the Windhorse community is even more important and inspiring to me. I know a lot about their histories of personal struggles, and I see what they can do now. They are the best challenge to hopelessness. They are living proof of recovery at Windhorse.
7. I: It may seem so obvious that it doesn’t need to be said, but I think it really is important for Windhorse clients to think of themselves as members of their own teams. At team meetings, it could be quite natural for clients to create a psychological division between themselves and the staff people who are employed to work with them; it could be easy for clients to imagine that their teams consist only of staff and to not think of themselves as being members of their own teams. I suspect that the clients who get the most out of Windhorse are the clients who are able to express what they want and are willing to “lean in” on their other team members the way that Windhorse staff members “lean in” on clients. When I came to Windhorse in November, I had two main long-term goals and a bunch of ideas about smaller goals and projects that I hoped would contribute to my main goals. My first main goal was to elevate and stabilize my mood, and my second goal was to find satisfying work. Ten months after coming to Windhorse, I am now much more content and stable, and I am continuing to try to find satisfying work. Two activities I did outside of Windhorse were especially important stepping-stones toward those goals: 1. I volunteered tutoring English to adult speakers of other languages (ESOL), and 2. I also volunteered helping small groups of students in a local public elementary school. I especially enjoy being with children and people from different countries. These activities also helped me get to know some people in the community outside of Windhorse. As my mood improved and I started doing more and more activities outside of Windhorse, I felt less of a need to spend so many hours each week with the other people on my team. I reduced my team gradually at first, and then decided to stop having a full, large team during my ninth month at Windhorse. Now I see my therapist once a week and I have one basic attendance session per week with the person who was my team leader. Among other things, they help me deal with my work issues while I continue my quest for satisfying work. Outside of Windhorse, I also see a psychiatrist who prescribes my medications and who advises me about mood-related supplements.
I feel very fortunate for my Windhorse experience and hope that many more people will get to experience recovery through Windhorse and other programs like it. I now believe that my stepfather is right: Windhorse really is a great model for recovery. As a sixteen-year client of mental health services, no other help I have found was comparable to the help I found at Windhorse. It isn’t perfect, of course. And I believe it needs to be made less expensive and to be funded by governments and insurance companies. I look forward to seeing Windhorse evolve and spread to more and more communities. I know that many people have told themselves, or have been told by others, that they shouldn’t expect to recover from their miserable situations, but Windhorse is proving them wrong. My fellow clients and I are recovering, and more people need to have this opportunity. I want to do what I can to help that happen.
Conclusion
It has been 25 years since Windhorse began working with people in their homes and communities with the genuine belief that recovery is possible. We have held that a whole-person approach is essential and that mindfulness and contemplative practices provide the ground for our work and for recovery. As we strive to embody this way of being with others and ourselves, we have come to see that we are all more human than otherwise. The result has been a clear and unwavering commitment to respectful and compassionate care that fully nurtures and appreciates the health and sanity that is intrinsic to all beings. Many courageous individuals have walked this path of recovery. We honor them and are deeply grateful for the ways in which their lives and ours have been forever transformed.
Bibliography
Naropa Psychology Journals. These journals include reference literature on “contemplative psychotherapy” as developed at The Naropa
University, which maps the theoretical background for Windhorse (e.g., Podvoll, 1985; Trungpa, 1983; Wegela 1996; Lief, 2001; Rockwell 2002).
Podvoll, E. Recovering Sanity: A Compassionate Approach to Understanding and Treating Psychosis, Boston: Shambhala Publications.
(Previously published by Harper Collins as The Seduction of Madness.)
Trungpa, C. Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior, Boston: Shambhala Publications, 1984
—. The Sanity We are Born With, Boston: Shambhala Publications, 2005
Wegela, K. How to be a Help Instead of a Nuisance, Boston: Shambhala Publications, 1996
Windhorse Family Guidelines- available as a web text at: www.windhorseassociaties.org
Whitaker, R. Mad in America, Cambridge: Perseus Publishing, 2002
Wilber, K. Integral Psychology. Boston: Shambhala Publications, 2000