A Letter from Edward Podvoll to “K.” Regarding His Recovery

8 January 97

Dear K.,

Thank you for your note. I’m sorry to hear that you are having so much difficulty with controlling your mind.

Of course there is not much I can say without knowing a great deal more details than you were able to write in your short note. I don’t even know how old you are! But I will try to say something meaningful.

First, your situation is a relatively common one among mental disturbances and, as I’m sure you know, is generally called “manic-depressive” illness, or some variation of that. You are fortunate that you recovered from this recent episode so quickly, as these things can sometimes go on for a long time and cause much chaos and destruction in one’s life. I don’t know exactly the medicine you are taking, but they do seem to be working and it is also very good that you are decreasing them in a planned and systematic way. Although you should know that if you begin to have similar experiences of “mania” again (i.e., a growing, expanding, over-flowing love and increasing feelings of self-importance and personal power), then it is best if you continue with the medication without reduction until your mind and emotions stabilize again.

There is much to say about the causes and conditions for why and how such a mental disturbance arises and evolves in anyone. Perhaps it would be good if you read the book I wrote about this sort of thing, particularly chapter two. Luigi has a copy of it. But maybe it is too much for you to read.

In any case, it is safe to say that you or anyone with this problem is not relating properly to their mind. There is no doubt about that. There are several key points that need to be seen with great precision in order to bring the mind with “manic tendencies” under control. For example: easily distracted mind (lack of mindfulness), and even a joyful fascination with mind wandering “freely,” especially a fascination with thought of self-importance and pride (as well as their opposite qualities during depressive periods); a tendency to grasp at mental pleasure and to indulge in activities which produce it, like absorption stakes of blankness, numbness, ignorance; clinging to a secret craving for joyfulness and ecstatic sensations of the manic episode, even though one knows that it can and usually does end in disaster, thinking that, “Next time, I will make it come out all right”; and behind all that is one’s reluctance, even fear, of seeing directly into oneself as simply an ordinary person with all one’s ordinary defects …

There is no need for me to go on about this because the means for recovery is what is needed and that is clearly for you to use the precious time that you have left in retreat to develop a strong and enduring mindfulness meditation practice (called shine or shamatha, as you know). There are many varieties of this and of course Lama Luigi can aid you in developing stability in this practice. There is not much sense in your devoting much energy to other practices until you have developed an ongoing stability in shine mediation. This alone will allow you to see through and keep your awareness stable and unmoving through wild thoughts and mood swings. So that you don’t get caught up in them and then “go out of your mind,” as they say.

This is all I can think of right now. My best wishes for your stable recovery and for the new year. 

Please give my warm greetings to Luigi and tell him that all of us here always pray for his health and for the success of his work.

Sincerely,

Mingyur